Monday, February 12, 2007

I'm Robert Heinlein

Yeah, right. Go tell me another one.

I am:
Robert A. Heinlein
Beginning with technological action stories and progressing to epics with religious overtones, this take-no-prisoners writer racked up some huge sales numbers.

Which science fiction writer are you?

What is it exactly about the interwebs that compels people to code up a seemingly endless stream of these stunningly arbitrary surveys? For that matter, why do we continue to fill them out even though we know they'll be wildly inaccurate at best? The poll above gives readers the various options of being--aside from Heinlein--Isaac Asimov, Frank Herbert, Ayn Rand, Ursula K LeGuin... and none of the justifications given for each selection are particularly convincing. I don't write like Heinlein any more than I write like LeGuin, but that doesn't mean I don't greatly admire and enjoy their writing. So with that in mind, I present to you my own anti-survey. There are no questions to answer--just a list of the contributors to No Fear of the Future and flimsy justification for their being included on this list. You simply pick out the one you like best and post it on your own blog with a link back here, plain and simple. Everyone wins!

Which No Fear of the Future writer are you?

You are...

Zoran Živković Your European origins are both stylish and mysterious. Were you not a writer, you'd certainly be a jet-setting international jewel thief. As it is, your Eastern European magical realism is the toast of the literary set, even though many of your fans haven't been able to find most of your work. When they do make it into U.S. bookstores, your works are always shelved in the "European Fiction" or "Translastions" sections, since those are safely removed from the genre ghetto.

Jess Nevins Your knowledge base is enormous--there is nothing genre-related, be it 18th century pulps, Silver Age comics or modern dance interpretations of Joanna Russ' The Female Man--that you can't discuss in dissertation-level detail. You actually view the nickname "Brainiac" as an insult, as the Coluans have misfired with that honorific so many times you consider it tainted.

Alexis Glynn Latner Despite your reputation as a purveyor of Hard SF, you do not have rivets protruding from your head. However, rivets do make up the keys on your keyboard at home. Most of your writing is short form, but you do write the occasional novel in hopes of striking it rich so you can cash it all in on a fleet of solar-powered sailplanes.

Stephen Dedman You have better hair than anyone else on this list. There are rumors that your hair is the Sampson-like source of your creative output, but that's just jealousy talking. In reality, all the disturbing stories about vampire children and deadly Asian mythological creatures come from your endless globetrotting and absorption of myriad cultures you encounter. In fact, because of your travels you could be a suave international jewel thief. The only thing stopping you, however, is your Australian origin. Seriously, name one famous Australian jewel thief.

Chris Nakashima-Brown A guerrilla avant-pop social commentator, you discourage people from describing your wit as "drier than the Sahara" to protest the growing environmental exploitation of the African continent by international conglomerates with little regard to the socio-political instability that threatens the livelihood of small-scale plantain farmers. Bloggers really, really like you.

Jayme Lynn Blaschke You try to develop ideas that are beyond the grasp of your feeble skills and understanding. Your plotting is weak. Your characterization is non-existent. You aren't funny. You do, however, have some skill at crafting alcoholic beverages. Have you considered a job in Hollywood?

1 comment:

Jess Nevins said...

damn. I want to be an international man of mystery....